You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
