so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
