i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
