He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I faked an abortion last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
