Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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