That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
