So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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