Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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