i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
