He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
