tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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