sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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