What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
