So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
