Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
