This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
