New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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