I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
