my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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