I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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