I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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