you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
