I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
