First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
