I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
