It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
