I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
