i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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