I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
