the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
