how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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