I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
