when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
