I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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