Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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