I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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