i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
