She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
