i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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