I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
