I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
