she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
