xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
