So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
