He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
