I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
