Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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