Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The power of my boobs compel you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
