is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
