In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
