She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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