I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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