Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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