Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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