Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
