Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
