Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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