i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
