dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
