All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
