sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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