UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
