He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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