Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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