Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And then he peed in my hair
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