I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
