I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
