Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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