So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
