I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
