i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
